EDITORIAL. PHOTOS BY AP NEWS
The 2010 Boston Red Sox, who, until recently, held hope that they would win the Wild Card and make the World Series, died the night of Tuesday, Sept. 29, in the aftermath of huge battle victories for the Rays of Tampa Bay and Yankees of New York. The Sox team was eight months old.
Until recently, the deceased spoke of beating up on Marino Rivera in the ninth inning, watching the Laser Show return to the field and being scared by a large first baseman’s manly beard. But, a slew of injuries derailed the Sox and ultimately led to their death.
A family spokesman said that a wake will be open to the public and will take place at Fenway Park in Boston at the close of the Major League Baseball season. Doctors said the deceased had been vibrant and "full of life" as recently as the morning of Sept. 26, clinging to statistically teasing possibilities of making the playoffs.
The false hopes instilled in the Sox by a number of positive preseason predictions led to great disappointment in recent weeks. The numerous injuries weakened and made vulnerable to attack the once invincible soul.
It will be a closed-casket funeral due to the violent nature of the death, which is still being investigated by Bob Ryan, Dan Shaughnessy, and other members of The Boston Globe. The deceased was beaten numerous times and the crime was eerily reminiscent to that of a great uncle’s death in 2003 and an older brother’s death in 1986. One of the blows that caused blunt force trauma and massive hemorrhaging in the victim was induced by a weekend sweep in Chicago at the hands of the White Sox in early September.
Numerous sources are reporting that former family friend of the Red Sox, Manny Ramirez, was last seen carrying a bat at the scene of the crime, but no evidence has been discovered to link the dread-locked slugger to the death.
“We don’t know who did this,” said a grieving manager Terry Francona. “But mark my words, Joe Maddon will pay.”
The death angered and saddened many Boston residents, who had hoped such incidents - once an almost annual occurrence - were a thing of the past.
The deceased had shown dominance and a vibrant lifestyle in the dog days of the season, fighting through many injuries and using distant relatives called up from Pawtucket to fill the void. But after months of suffering through the losses of Dustin Pedroia, Kevin Youkilis, Jacoby Ellsbury, and countless others, the Red Sox seemingly lost the will to live, ultimately succumbing to the deadly virus referred to as “the injury bug.”
The family added, “We prefer to publicly mourn over this loss every day for the next six decades." In lieu of flowers, mourners are asked to wear t-shirts with inappropriate slogans and to discriminate heavily against New Yorkers.
For their safety, the family also urged mourners – due to the graphic nature of the footage – to refrain from watching ESPN or Sports Center for a minimum of one week and not to pick up a newspaper for at least two days.
The 2010 City of Boston Championship hopes are survived by the Boston Bruins, Boston Celtics and New England Patriots.
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