by Ian Tasso
In this day and age, few things are for certain in baseball.
Every year, you know the Yankees are going to spend their money. And every year, you know Manny Ramirez will do something shockingly stupid (and even as I say that, last year’s debacle was still a bit over the top, even for him.)
Ichiro’s going to get some hits, Albert’s going to get some big ones and Linecum is going to strike some people out. You could even throw in a Milton Bradley ejection or two if you’re feeling lucky. But after that, it’s all a crapshoot.
Heck, you blink once and Roy Halladay’s wearing red instead of blue, Manny Ramirez is wearing blue instead of red, and through it all, Joe Torre’s traded in his pinstripes.
Even Mr. Consistency himself, Joe Mauer, isn’t immune to baseball’s changing ways. Having played with the Twins since 2004, the Minnesota native’s contract is running thin, and uncertainly about his future lies ahead.
Will he continue to rake in the Twin Cities? Or will he bring his one-man hitting-clinic elsewhere?
Nobody is sure, but one thing will always reign true about Mauer, no matter where he winds up.
Yes, there’s the hitting. But there are also the sideburns.
Mauer’s side-hair has become just as much a staple in Major League baseball as his perfect swing, both having etched him into the hearts of baseball fans everywhere.
The ‘burns’ have even become so popular, they’ve inspired ‘Sideburn Night,’ a night where fake sideburns are handed out at the Metrodome, giving each fan a chance to feel the power that is the ‘burn.’
Not even the old Yankee Stadium could withstand the test of baseball-time. But Mauer? He still hits. And his burns? They still grow.
But he’s not alone. There are others, too, who keep baseball tradition alive through their facial forests.
In a game where little is the same as it was, names like Rollie Fingers, Goose Gossage and Kevin Kelly live on through Mauer and his facial-haired compadres.
So who are these men who carry on the torch of baseball past as it enters these curious and changing times?
Let’s take a look:
Clay Zavada, Diamondbacks– If you haven’t heard his name yet, you will soon. This 25-year old lefty from Arizona has taken the baseball facial-world by storm, bringing home last year’s “Mustached American of the Year,” a yearly award presented by the American Mustache Institute.
He may not be able to blow hitters away with his fastball, and he might working on adding a cutter to his repertoire – but as long as he keeps that lip-garden, fame will find it impossible to elude him.
Dustin McGowan, Blue Jays – If Zavada took mustache to a whole new level, this guy has done the same to the sideburn. If he could pitch as well as Mauer could hit, this article might be featuring him – but instead, he finds himself only mentioned, which is still quite an honor.
McGowan was born in 1982, and was drafted right out of high school in the year 2000. Since then, the right-handed reliever has brought a hard slider and a pair of burns that are enough to strike fear into the heart of any hitter.
Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox – Speaking of fear, is there no man that can cause a pitcher to sweat more than Kevin Youkilis?
The Sox first baseman is not only infamous for working pitchers late into counts, but he also has a stare that weakens knees. Not to mention that souped-up goatee that has recently found its way onto Youkilis’s chin.
A lot of players can hit 30 home runs. Even more can post a .300 average. But how many can pull off the mountain-man look? Not many. But Youk does it with pride.
Ryan Franklin, Cardinals – Last season, a mustache-growing fad swept through the Cardinals organization like wildfire. Chris Carpenter, Adam Wainwright, Rick Ankiel – they all grew out their face-buddies. But not Franklin.
No, Franklin’s face-real-estate was already occupied - by something.
Nobody’s really sure what to call it, but whatever it is, it looks like its straight out of the Civil War. General Lee would be proud.
And the Cardinals? They’re okay with it, as long as he keeps saving games. Last season Franklin and his Partner posted a spectacular 1.92 ERA and 38 saves.
Not bad for a two-man effort.
Jason Giambi, Rockies – No facial-hair centered baseball article would be complete without mention of Jason Giambi and his famous ‘stache.
Much like Mauer’s ‘Sideburn Nights,’ Giambi inspired a sweeping revelation of his own, as the Yankees handed out fake moustaches in an effort to get Giambi voted into the 2008 All Star Game. It didn’t work, but it did begin a revolution.
One year later and the Twins were handing out sideburns to commemorate Joe Mauer. Does the sweet-swinging catcher owe it all to Giambi? Most likely. After all, the success is proven. In 2008, Giambi began the season batting .236. One mustache later, and Giambi slugged 32 homers and 96 RBI in the very same season.
Behold, the hair.
Jorge Cantu, Marlins – Here’s a name you might not associate with facial hair. But throughout his career, Cantu has always sported some sort of look with the whiskers.
His career started in Tampa Bay, where he featured a soul-patch and a mini goatee. Then in Cincinnati, he lost the bottom parts and went straight mustache.
With the Marlins? Super-combination. Cantu’s grown it all back out, and looks all the finer. Nothing wrong with a little trial and error.
Honorable Mentions:
Johan Santana, Mets – Perfection.
Just as he has on the mound with a baseball, it appears Santana has become a wizard with the razor. At the moment, the 2004/2006 Cy Young award winner features a goatee that’s as finely tuned as his change-up.
Adrian Gonzalez, Padres – Similar to Santana, Gonzalez sports a goatee that compliments his swing – sweet and perfect. It seems the two of them have a career in hair-styling should their athleticism ever fall short – though I wouldn’t bet on that happening anytime soon.
Todd Helton, Rockies – He’s become just as much a staple in baseball as having the bases 90-feet apart. And he’s rocked the beard the entire time.
The 5-time All Star, 3-time Gold Glove winner has featured his grizzly beard ever since he came up as a youngster, and though his success has never been officially attributed to it, speculation certainly surfaces now and then.
I mean - look at that picture. Facial hair, cowboy hats, over-excited-kids, American Flags - what's not to love?
It this sport not America's game or what?
No comments:
Post a Comment